you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
my being single is dangerous.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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