How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
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