You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
jump out the window naked night went bad
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