I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
