Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
