Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
