pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
