I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
