Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
one two three fourrrrnication!
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
