nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
