Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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