Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
