WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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