Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
