this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
