I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
