Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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