Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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