i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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