What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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