wanna go halves on a baby?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
