"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I think people are normalizing furries
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
