dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
