He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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