I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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