no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
