No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
