My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
