I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i think i have herpe
just one?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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