I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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