somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
