your parents love me but you hate me
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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