how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize