stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
