if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize