if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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