there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
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