yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Randomize
