If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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