3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
