Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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