I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
