I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
