Cold hands, warm shart.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS