You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.