you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
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This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
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OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.