Texts From Last Night

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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.

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  (201): My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms. http://tfl.nu/tth4
  Replies (6) Good night (579) Bad night (2655) Order T-Shirt
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  (516): View more from New York

  she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".

  (917): View more from New York City

  I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.

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  (516): she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag". (917): I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag. http://tfl.nu/7xie
  Replies (57) Good night (1193) Bad night (11220)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere

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  (203): Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere http://tfl.nu/w3xh
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  (386): View more from Florida

  The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance

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  (386): The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance http://tfl.nu/iqmo
  Replies (17) Good night (5196) Bad night (1357)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.

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  (630): The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking. http://tfl.nu/uq3n
  Replies (47) Good night (6454) Bad night (1365) Order T-Shirt
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.

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  (773): Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices. http://tfl.nu/v05l
  Replies (8) Good night (2673) Bad night (863) Order T-Shirt
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.

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  (843): Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots. http://tfl.nu/fa6e
  Replies (1) Good night (1885) Bad night (799) Order T-Shirt
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.

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  (907): If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever. http://tfl.nu/sogf
  Replies (29) Good night (1108) Bad night (3760) Order T-Shirt
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...

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  (262): By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire... http://tfl.nu/1iat
  Replies (5) Good night (1466) Bad night (601) Order T-Shirt
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  (941): View more from Florida

  I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.

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  (941): I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged. http://tfl.nu/0scq
  Replies (2) Good night (1758) Bad night (540) Order T-Shirt
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..

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  (419): He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk.. http://tfl.nu/th8z
  Replies (12) Good night (2536) Bad night (455)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere

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  (208): Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere http://tfl.nu/5ite
  Replies (4) Good night (1073) Bad night (396) Order T-Shirt
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face

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  (775): He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face http://tfl.nu/ksnb
  Replies (5) Good night (732) Bad night (406) Order T-Shirt
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch

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  (815): Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch http://tfl.nu/nhct
  Replies (3) Good night (663) Bad night (730) Order T-Shirt
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  (845): View more from New York

  It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.

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  (845): It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons. http://tfl.nu/somr
  Replies (3) Good night (378) Bad night (336) Order T-Shirt

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