You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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