Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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