theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
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