Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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