wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
