State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
