god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
