You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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