He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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