this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
