walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
