i permit you to call me
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
