This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
My brain says no but my pants say off.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
