i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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