Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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