Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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