the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
