I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
