As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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