too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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