Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
