He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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