I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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