Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize
