In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize