I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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