Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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