a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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